If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Randomize
