He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
Randomize
