He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Randomize
