turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
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