aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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