He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
Randomize
