where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
Randomize
