yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
Another day, another engagement, another cat
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Randomize
