Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
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