I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
