When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize
