Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
Randomize
