My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
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