So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
Randomize
