Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
Randomize
