Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
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