I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
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