Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
Randomize
