Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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