he wants to bone in the snuggie
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
They took my balls.
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
Randomize
