loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
Liz is crying about burritos again.
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
Apparently Iām a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
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