how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
Randomize
