he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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