At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
Randomize
