Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
Randomize
