Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
