The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
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