For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
Randomize