Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
Randomize
