My hair reeks of homosexuality.
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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