Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize
