if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
Randomize
