That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
Randomize
