What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
Randomize
