You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
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