her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
the day after is always just damage control
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize