woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Randomize