Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
Are these your boobs on my camera?
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