Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
Randomize
