i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
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