i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Randomize
