It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
I wish i was in the wii world.
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
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