Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
Randomize
