HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
