from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
Randomize
