if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
Please, let me fuck your mom
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
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