That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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