woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
The police scanner is talking about you again....
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
Randomize
