strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
