What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
