Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
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