absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
Randomize
