okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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