I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
Randomize
