Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
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