How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
Randomize
