My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
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