It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Randomize
