dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
Randomize
