Idk. We dropped acid and Kevin ran away again. We didn't find him for like 3 hours.
Man I wish I had been there
Yah we found him in the pool shed of some elderly couple. They were on the porch watching all of the shenanigans. ...To be young again.
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
Randomize
