hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
Randomize
