Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Randomize
