I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
Liz is crying about burritos again.
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
Randomize
