My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
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