He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
Randomize
