it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
Also, beer. Big fan.
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
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