she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
Randomize
