We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
Randomize
