Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
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