i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
Randomize
