question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
Randomize
