Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
