final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
Randomize
