2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
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