Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
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