why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
And she was only 16?
You say that like it's a bad thing.
Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
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