I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
Randomize
