I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
The adults are the big ones right?
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
Randomize
