Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
