is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
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