Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
I think I am morally bankrupt
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
Randomize