best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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